We all Want It

A friend of mine recently attended a women’s group where the leader asked everyone to write down the deepest prayer of their heart. When the participants revealed what they’d written, they found they all wanted the same thing: a deep, “best-friendship” with another woman. No one felt they had that kind of relationship – and who doesn’t want it? That person who you can watch movies with when you’re sick, or who's unfazed by your pajamas when they spontaneously drop by with Saturday morning doughnuts. Everyone wants that person who “gets” them.

Loneliness is widespread in our seemingly connected culture among both men and women, but I’ve noted it’s often paired with a mentality that says, “If someone hurts you, you deserve to cut them out of your life.” There are definitely situations that warrant cutting someone out of your life. However, this reactive attitude makes it nearly impossible to gain the deeply rooted friendship we all crave.

Colossians 3 is a beautiful passage about friendship between believers and I was convicted as I read the whole thing. The short version is in verse 13, which calls us to bear with one another, “...And, if one has a complaint against another, [forgive] each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” The longer we know someone, the more likely we are to be hurt or irritated by them. It is inevitable. However, as Christians we are called to keep each other accountable and help each other grow.

This growth will be uncomfortable. It may irritate and hurt at first, as pictured in the Biblical metaphors like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17) and spurring each other on (Hebrews 10:24). But we can’t be afraid of a little hurt or irritation in our friendships. We can’t be afraid of those hard conversations. These “David-and-Jonathan” friendships are rare because they require much time, work, and prayer! Why would we squander the potential of a friendship over a petty hurt or annoyance?